PARODY, WITH LOVE

You have been called.

The Church of the Sun is calling missionaries. Term of service: anywhere from one day to one year, and the cookie decides. Crack open the cookie, tell the Sun Council about yourself, and wait for your call.

  1. Crack the cookieTell us what you love, where you have wandered, and what languages you speak.
  2. The Sun Council reads itThe council weighs your answers and decides where you are called.
  3. Scott sends your callYour mission and your term (one day to one year, picked at random) arrive by email, approved by hand.

Your fortune slip

Write it the way you would tell a friend. The Sun Council chooses your mission.

Your answers (never your email) go to the Sun Council, who choose your mission and your term. Scott reads and sends every call by hand.

What a call looks like

A sample letter. Yours will name your own mission.

The Church of the Sun
OFFICE OF THE FIRST LIGHT
Heber Valley, Utahchurchofthesun.org

Elder Sample Sunseeker
[address: the mailbox of your heart]

Dear Elder Sunseeker:

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of the Sun. You are assigned to labor in the Heber Valley Sun Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 93 days, give or take a sunrise. (Terms run anywhere from one day to one year, drawn at random.)

You will be set apart for this calling, rise before dawn, and be taught to look east.

You are called to invite others to come unto the Sun by helping them receive the restored morning through gratitude, one good mantra, a window facing east, and enduring to the end of the day.

Missionary service is a joyful duty. Remember the promise: the sun comes up for the faithful and the faint-hearted alike. Be cheerful, wear sunscreen, and love the people where you serve.

We love you and pray for you. Please send your written acceptance, or just reply to this email with "I accept," and we will call you on a mission.

Sincerely yours,

Scott Paul
Founder,
Church of the Sun
Зора
Zora Rae deSole
Sun Shaman
A parody mission call. No real travel, no commitments. Lovingly borrowed from the real thing.